Social skills are much more than just being polite. They are the tools that help us navigate relationships, achieve goals, and build fulfilling lives. From following rules to respecting others, these skills lay the foundation for success in school, in careers, and throughout our lives.
Following Rules: More Than Just Obedience
Safety First: Rules often exist to keep us and others safe. Understanding this helps children (and adults!) follow them more willingly.
Accountability: Rules teach us that our actions have consequences, fostering a sense of responsibility.
Ripple Effects: Disregarding rules doesn’t just affect the individual, it can disrupt the flow for everyone involved. Think delayed projects or unfair advantages on the playground.
Taking Turns: The Key to Connection
Active Listening: As a school counselor, I constantly talk to students about the importance of active listening. This means focusing on the speaker, showing interest through body language, and waiting your turn to speak. When we focus on listening to others, it demonstrates empathy and a genuine interest in what they have to say. This builds stronger relationships
Learning & Growth: We can learn so much from others’ perspectives! Conversations are two-way streets, offering opportunities to expand our knowledge and understanding. I tell my students they might not always be the smartest person in the room, and they can always learn something new. I also tell them that I listen to them intently because I am learning from them in the process.
The Mind Reader Technique
A student once asked me if I could read minds. We both laughed, but it was a fantastic opportunity to discuss the power of active listening. Sometimes I seem to know what they’re thinking because I’m paying attention to everything they say, how they say it, and their body language. By bringing in my own experiences, I can often help them make sense of how they might be feeling.
Getting Along: Making Friends and Feeling Good
Asking for Help: A key skill for independence! Knowing how to seek help empowers us to solve problems and strengthens relationships as others step in to support us.
Kindness is Key: Using positive language, offering compliments, and disagreeing respectfully make interactions smoother and foster genuine connections.
“I” Statements: Expressing frustration with statements like “I feel…” instead of “You…” helps avoid blame and creates space for constructive solutions. I find “I” statements can be used with children as young as 3 years old. We use “bugs and wishes” to let friends know what they like and do not like. For example, a pre-K student of mine is struggling to use his words instead of whining, hitting his friends, or being defiant to his teachers. We are working on using “I” statements and the boundaries song lyric “please stop I don’t like that” to communicate his needs assertively.
Accepting Responsibility: Building Trust
Maturity & Respect: While it can be difficult, owning our mistakes commands respect and shows a willingness to grow.
Trust Factor: When we take responsibility, people are more likely to believe us and rely on us in the future.
Making Amends: A sincere apology is a powerful tool to repair relationships and move forward positively. Natural, connected-to-behavior consequences are important so kids understand that saying “sorry” does not give them permission to continue breaking rules, nor does it absolve them of all wrongdoing. For example, if a child is hurting their friends during playtime, a natural consequence is that they do not get to play with them for a period of time. When they consistently break the rules with their friends, they can lose trust and respect. Then they understand that their actions can have lasting effects on themselves and others.
Balancing Inquisitiveness and Respect
Parents need to understand the difference between their child being inquisitive and being disrespectful by constantly questioning their decisions as caregivers. In this age of technology, children sometimes mistake acquiring knowledge for wisdom. It’s important to remember that children cannot survive without adults. While children should have a voice, their own opinions, and some agency in their lives, they also shouldn’t be making decisions about their wellbeing since they do not always know what’s best for them. They’re still learning about the world around them!
The Importance of Parental Involvement
Studies consistently show that individuals with strong social skills fare better across numerous life domains. They tend to have more positive friendships, greater academic success, and better career outcomes. Emotional intelligence, which relies heavily on strong social skills, is a significant predictor of success, often even more so than traditional measures like IQ. I talk to parents about the importance of helping their children understand the reason for rules, establishing rules at home, and setting expectations so if there is ever a dangerous situation, they are not stuck arguing with their child about why they need them to do what was asked.
Developing Social Skills: A Lifelong Journey
Developing social skills is an ongoing process. By starting early and practicing consistently, children and adults alike can gain the skills they need to connect with others, resolve conflict, and build the lives they dream of. Some kids struggle with making friends because they don’t know how to have conversations. I work with them on techniques like active listening and using “I” statements. We also discuss the difference between tattling to get someone in trouble and reporting to keep someone safe. We don’t have to agree with everyone or everything, so we need to understand that we can accept people’s opinions without disregarding our own.
It truly makes a difference when we work together, parents, teachers, and counselors, to help children develop these essential social skills. By equipping them with these tools, we empower them to navigate the complexities of life and build strong, positive relationships.
